Had lunch with a friend on Friday. She’s the mother of twins, has 3 siblings and as nutty a family as you can imagine. Fair to say she has an excellent perspective on life, her own priorities and a healthy set of values that she desires to pass on to her children.We talked about navigating relationships through tolerance and honesty. I admitted that even though that is my intent, I have been known to get stuck in my head. When that happens, what I’m thinking on the inside doesn’t match what I’m doing or saying on the outside. That, of course leads to all sorts of self-imposed conflicts.
Years ago, I came up with an analogy for relationships that I think is still a fair representation. My hypothesis was that relationships are like road trips. You have a vehicle, maybe 2, maybe a caravan if you’re bringing along a lot of stuff. You have some tools, perhaps a map, a compass, a flashlight; hopefully they’re in working order. Then you go.
Hopefully you both go the same direction if you’re in different vehicles. You might take different roads because one of you wants to take the freeway fast lane and the other wants to meander through the small towns along the way. Sometimes there’s a thunderstorm and the driving conditions are perilous. Sometimes there’s a traffic jam and you’re simply stuck for a long time inching along but making no progress. It’s frustrating. Sometimes you’re hopelessly lost or out nearly of gas, praying for a service station as you round the next corner. You’re frightened. Sometimes you’re not even sure why you’re driving in the direction you’re headed.
And then sometimes it’s just glorious. The day is sunny and you’re driving along together in the same car without the caravan of stuff and the breeze smells so sweet and you’re holding hands. And if you’re like me, you have your Barbie sunglasses on. And you both feel peaceful about where you’re headed.
Maybe the exact route isn’t entirely mapped out. But the direction feels right and you have trust, gratitude, faith and love.
The rest will work itself out. You might have to fix a broken radiator or flat tire along the way, but you know what? Everyone has to make those accommodations.
I’m happy now. And I once heard someone giving a presentation say “this too shall pass” when referring to her own happiness. But that’s OK. I think I know how to find this road again if I happen to veer off as a result of my own internal craziness. I have trust, gratitude, faith and love.
That's a great analogy. I always feel my biggest sense of freedom on the road ~ to blend that with relationships ~ that is my intention!
ReplyDeleteLove the analogy! If I were to apply it to my own life..I think my car would be on fire. Haha! = ) Thanks for a wonderful post.
ReplyDeletehttp://davidandcarolineparker.blogspot.com
I love your metaphor. While reading your post, I found myself wondering about the effects of GPS on the road trip of relationships. :)
ReplyDeleteLove that analogy. It fits so well. And just because a road trip isn't going particularly well, it doesn't mean you abandon the passengers, right? Great mental image and lesson there. Hope you enjoyed a beautiful weekend!
ReplyDeleteLove that analogy. What a lovely reflective post. Sounds like you are definitely "headed in the right direction".
ReplyDeleteOh my - car on fire could be disastrous, or just really hot. Not sure which?
ReplyDeleteI guess it's all in the manner that we choose to make use of the tools that we have. We could rely on our tools too heavily, diminishing our own brain-power, or at the other extreme, we might neglect to use some of the basic tools right at our fingertips. Sort of like running out of gas - jeez - there's an fuel level indicator and, as if that's not quite enough, a warning light when the situation is nearly critical. Just go buy some gas when the tank is low, right?
ReplyDeleteI guess that's the point. It's sort of a day to day thing. A lot of our bearings are set in motion by our daily rituals and obligations. Sure, we have some short-term plans and some longer-term dreams. But life happens every day on the way to those dreams. So I'd rather be wearing the Barbie sunglasses now than saving them for later.
ReplyDeleteThat's an interesting thought. Because sometimes you do, I think, depending on the relationship. Marriages end. Children leave home and get their own cars and start driving down their own roads. Parents die. Best friends move. It's a continuum. A life journey where every day is its own destination. Hope you had a wonderful weekend! Can't wait to read about it.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I have read here thus far, you have had some relationship roller coasters so you know how to ride out the rough waves and appreciate what you have. That's gold.
ReplyDelete