26 August 2009

Ghost in the machine

Our microwave oven is possessed with a playful, but very irritating poltergeist. It is a second-hand microwave oven, passed on from Cristy's niece who used it in her apartment while she was in college. Anything could have happened.

We first noticed that the spirit was there when the microwave began beeping for no apparent reason. Opening and closing the door only helped temporarily, unplugging the machine was the only remedy.

I use the microwave pretty regularly and dueling with this little poltergeist has become part of the standard routine. A challenge, actually. As soon as I connect the plug, I have to be ready to execute my strategy. It goes something like this:

Me: Placing item inside oven and closing door
Me: Connecting plug to wall
Oven: beep-beep-beep
Me: Quickly setting clock. Pressing 1-0-
Oven: beep-beep-
Me: open & close door. Pressing 0-
Oven: beep-
Me: open & close door. Pressing clock button (YES!)
Oven: beep-beep-beep-beep-
Me: Setting cook time. Pressing 1-
Oven: beep-beep-
Me: open & close door. Pressing 5-OK button!
Oven: Begins cooking, but beeps in protest the entire time.
Me: doing a victory dance then unplugging the oven with gusto!

Occasionally, my adversary will take advantage of the fact that I can be forgetful and will lull me into thinking that I am interacting with a normal microwave oven. This happens more often that I care to admit. There will be no beeping during our cooking transaction, no duel. I will forget to unplug the machine at the conclusion of the cycle and my adversary will chuckle to herself slyly. She has planned revenge. It will unfold precisely as it did at approximately 3:45 this morning.

Cristy: I'll get it.
Diane: damn.

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