My father died on September 20, 1992. He was 58 years old. I was resting yesterday afternoon when I suddenly opened my eyes and remembered. I did not look at the clock, but I believe the thought passed through my mind at approximately the time that he died.
He has been gone from this earth for a long time now and I have grown older. There was a time when I felt lonesome and cheated from a relationship with my parent that never really matured. But that feeling has healed and I realize that our relationship was interrupted during its development, just as his young life had been.
There is so much of my dad that lives through me now. Sometimes my thoughts and voice are his. My frugal nature is completely a mirror of him, but perhaps not quite so pronounced. My appreciation for the beauty of logic and numeric order is his and other things too – my tendency to avoid conflict, quiet nature, devotion to those I love.
I searched his name on the internet today and found a research paper that he co-authored in 1969. He was a rocket scientist in the true sense of the word and I never knew much about his professional accomplishments, both because I was too young to comprehend and because his work was probably classified at that time and he was undoubtedly not permitted to discuss it much. The fact that this scientific work product from his past has emerged on the internet, of all places, is surprising and amazing. It feels like an artifact from a time capsule. Thank you Daddy, I will enjoy reading it.